Blog
September 2018
Have you ever noticed that when you try to control things externally because of your pain, insecurities and confusion, it doesn't actually resolve the issue in the long run?
Instead of trying to ignore, hide or run away from what's going on, perhaps the long term solution would be to acknowledge the pain, insecurities and confusion or whatever feelings are surfacing. To tentatively allow them into your awareness to be looked at and explored with compassion.
Why not try exploring your feelings in counselling ? Together we can uncover what's really going on beneath the thoughts, behaviour patterns and feelings and with that awareness, you can make changes to your life. Changes that will improve and redress and imbalance.
Sometimes acknowledging and sitting with our feelings is what will serve us the most and enable us to heal from our wounds.
I offer a non judgemental and safe space where you will be supported in finding out your own answers.
August 2018
On one hand we can feel lost - searching for who we really are on the inside. On the other, we can feel scared about exploring in the unknown and finding out who we really are. So we are in conflict with ourselves and we remain stuck.
Any journey into the unknown can be challenging and cause feelings of anxiety to surface. Our anxiety is letting us know we are about to do something that is out of our comfort zone.
But, with the right support that journey need not feel so difficult or frightening. Talking about your anxieties and fears can really help you to work through them.
By acknowledging their existence, ensuring those parts of you that are scared are properly heard and supported can make a huge difference.
What will you discover about yourself with the right support?
July 2018
When we experience an injustice or if we perceive someone has caused us harm, we can be left with needing to hear the words `I’m sorry’.
While most people will realise and apologise, some will never say the words we need to hear. So we are left with not only having to work through the initial hurt but the double whammy of having to work through it not being recognised/acknowledged too.
However, when others can’t or won’t say `I’m sorry’ for whatever reason, we don’t have to dwell in the hurt, frustration and anger that may cause. We can take charge and ease our suffering by being kind and saying `sorry’ to ourselves.
This practice encourages us to empower ourselves and for our healing to not be quite so reliant upon another.
We can use words such as these to ourselves :
`I’m sorry I placed you in a position to be hurt’
`I’m sorry your heart got broken’
`I’m sorry that as part of the journey, this experience was necessary in order to develop your boundaries’
`I’m sorry I have allowed myself to be treated badly for so long’
`I’m sorry that at the time, I couldn’t stop what was happening’
Whatever resonates with you…... there are so many ways to say sorry to ourselves and it should always be said with compassion.
Can you think of an experience you have had where someone didn’t say sorry?
Can you be kind with yourself and accept that the experience was a necessary part of your personal development/journey?
What was it that you needed to hear from the other and can you say it to yourself now?
As always, be gentle with yourself along the path of life.....being human can be incredibly challenging !
When we are able to truly forgive ourselves, we set ourselves free from the chains that otherwise kept us from moving forward.
June 2018
Have you ever considered that everything you experience on the outside is a reflection of what is going on for you on the inside?
The relationships you have with yourself is mirrored in the relationships you have with others.
If, for example, you are judgemental, harsh or critical with others, it's likely you will be just as judgemental, harsh and critical with yourself. If you are forgiving with others, its likely you will be forgiving with yourself. If you find yourself in conflict with others, its probable that you will also be, on some level, in conflict with yourself. What you see in another is really nothing to do with them and more of a reflection about something to do with you.
If you want to have a healthy relationship with others, the starting point is to really look at the relationship you have with yourself.
And these `mirrors' are not only present in the relationship we have with other people, they can be present in the relationship we have with our possessions, money, homes, pets etc. If fact anything that you have a relationship with is a reflector of something about you.
What does the relationship you have with others show you about the relationship you have with yourself?
What does the relationship you have with your possessions tell you about you?
The kitchen is said to be the heart of the home. What does the appearance of the different rooms in your home say about how you feel about parts within you? Is it time to de-clutter and redecorate?
May 2018
Talking about our feelings is vitally important.
It's a way in which we communicate and express what is going on for us. Our tone, volume, choice of words, speed etc all say something about how we are feeling inside in the moment.
However, not everyone is able to verbally express themselves. This can result in a sense of not being heard and thus depression, frustration, resentment and anger may build.
Indeed not everyone, perhaps through their childhood experiences, may have been encouraged to speak about their feelings. They may have been told to `shut up' or their primary carer may not have had the time/resource to listen. One way or another, their need to be heard may have gone unmet.
In working out that our experience of needing to be heard was consistently ignored, we may have learned to shut down and we might have stopped trying to share how we were feeling. We may have developed a coping strategy to separate ourselves from our emotions, because feeling them and sharing them, resulted in us being punished or ignored.
Unexpressed feelings don't however disappear and they will show up in other ways. Acting out, physical illness, self harm etc are all expressions of unresolved or repressed feelings.
Talking about our worries/problems is of significant benefit to our health and wellbeing. Provided there is sufficient safety and trust with the other to know that your words, thoughts and feelings will be valued and respected by the other.
Also provided the other will listen in order to understand you, rather than to turn it around to then make it about them - thus diverting the attention away from helping you to work through whatever is troubling you.
This is why speaking to a professional is so very different - they will never make it about them. They will remain with you, in your world, supporting you and focusing on what it is like for you.
Counselling provides a vital service to people that want to be seen, heard, valued and respected just the way they are.
Have you tried talking ?
April 2018
What better way to indicate transformation than to consider the changes a caterpillar has to go through to become a butterfly.
Sometimes experiences come along that will really challenge your view of the world and how you perceive yourself. These are opportunities for a transformation process to take place.
As an example - you may have a fixed view that you are `good’ because you work additional hours. Without working longer hours that may feel `lazy', `bad’ or `not good enough’ and even feel `guilty' when you take time off to rest/recoup.
But what happens when your need to `be good’ or `be liked’ in proportion to the amount of work you do is unappreciated or becomes detrimental to your health? You may become depressed and/or physically ill as a consequence. At this point…..there is an internal battle taking shape.
Due to exhaustion/illness, you may have no other option but to let go and challenge your internal belief system.
You may need to redress what that meas for you and as a consequence you may experience a transformational process.
Because of the battle, you may realise that you were in fact `good enough’ all along.
Whether you worked extra hours or not didn’t really make any difference to the appreciation you got back, if anything it may have meant more work was given to you and you became overloaded.
During any transformational process, we can feel really shaken, such that it rocks our very foundations. We may feel lost for a while and we may not feel familiar to ourselves for a period of time. This is a reflection of the change taking place within ourselves.
At times like this it’s important to be really kind with ourselves – we are evolving and beating ourselves up is going to be self-harming.
At times like this it can also be of value to see the situation for what it is.
So what is it?
It’s an opportunity to test your resolve, your resilience to change, to notice your resistance to change and to explore what that means for you.
It’s also an opportunity to allow your own personal evolution. To go through the struggle and come out the other side as a `new’ and `improved’ self with greater self-respect, higher self-worth that is internalised rather than dependent on something external (ie. working in a way that is detrimental to your wellbeing).
What is changing in your life right now?
How are you reacting to that change?
What do you need to support you through the change so it’s not quite so daunting?
If you could trust that there was a beneficial reward on the other side of the struggle, would you go into the ring with your demons and embrace the experience of change?
March 2018
Garden walls or fences help clarify the boundary of our property. They show a clearly identifiable demarcation between us and a neighbouring property. Boundaries keep us safe and help us feel protected.
Likewise in our internal world, we also need healthy boundaries to keep us safe, to protect us and they need to be valued and respected too.
We may not always consciously know where are boundaries are, but as soon as you feel uncomfortable, resistant, upset or angry for example, it’s likely someone has got too close to a boundary….and your feelings are letting you know.
Saying `no' and setting healthy boundaries can feel uncomfortable, particularly if someone wants to trespass to get you to do what they want, or to make you be who they want you to be.
Setting healthy boundaries doesn’t make you mean or a bad person, it’s essential to your self-care and well-being.
And if you want to practice setting firm, healthy boundaries, start with paying attention to your feelings and responses to others. Rather than dismissing or invalidating your boundaries - why not practice honouring them.
If that feels too big a step at this stage, simply notice when you ignore your inner wisdom and begin to wonder what that is about for you.
Sometimes we dishonour ourselves in order to protect or not wish to upset others. In doing so we somehow make ourselves `less important' and over time this can damage our self worth.
Setting firm healthy boundaries is not about hurting others, it's about valuing ourselves. Boundaries can be set with love and compassion.
Sometimes setting healthy boundaries means we need to let go of some relationships and distance ourselves from those individuals.
What is the benefit to you of having boundaries?
What happens when you don’t maintain firm boundaries?
What do you need to do right now in order to put strong boundaries in place?
"You get what you tolerate" – Henry Cloud
Respect your boundaries, and others will respect them too. And if they don't you can respect yourself by letting them go.
If you are struggling with boundary setting with your loved ones, work place colleagues, friendships etc....why not explore counselling as a way of getting support to build up the courage and confidence you need to create and maintain your boundaries?.
February 2018
Any of these scenarios sounds familiar ?
- You book tickets or make appointments to do something nice – and then consistently arrive late for such events.
- You need a day off for yourself, but when you take it, you end up committing to spend the day doing jobs for someone else.
- You want to lose weight, but keep eating the same volume/types of food.
- You want to get fitter, but there never seems to be enough time to exercise.
At times, we can be our own worst enemies.
Despite the desire to have/do something consciously, our subconscious has other ideas. It seems no matter how hard we try to attain or achieve what we want, we struggle to get there. In short, our subconscious and conscious mind are in conflict with one another.
Because our subconscious mind is outside of our awareness, it can be difficult to identify when we are self sabotaging. However, the fact that you are not achieving what you want to is a big clue ;)
The first step is awareness of the choices you are making that are preventing you from getting what you want.
What do you want to achieve in life?
What is stopping you from achieving your goal?
If you want it to happen, are you ready to take on the personal responsibility to make it happen?
I AM THE MASTER OF MY FATE ...... I AM THE CAPTAIN OF MY SOUL
Invictus - Poem by William Ernest Henley
Getting what you want out of life is your personal responsibility. Are you ready to be in charge ?
Counselling can help you regain your personal power and enable you to feel more in control by supporting you in working out what's that's holding you back.
January 2018
As 2018 starts....perhaps this is your year for a `new you'.
Are you afraid to look at parts of yourself? With our acceptance of who you are, would that exploration be easier?
Are there parts of yourself that you dislike? With respect and care, would you be able to learn to like yourself for who you are?
Would you like to know yourself better and understand why you are the way you are? With time, awareness and acceptance, you can develop a healthy, happy relationship with yourself.
What would it feel like for you to be respected, valued, accepted for who you are, cared for unconditionally, given time to talk and be heard and to be offered support?
Just imagine how much emotional/psychological `baggage' you could work through in a healthy and safe environment.
What would it feel like for you to move through 2018 with less worries weighing you down?
Why not explore counselling with me and together we can explore these questions to facilitate you finding your own answers.
With genuine care, respect, time and support, it can be amazing what you find out about yourself. With this knowledge you can cultivate the courage to make the necessary changes in your life that mean you are a happier version of yourself moving forward.
If nothing changes - nothing changes ....so why not explore what counselling can do for you?
December 2017
Do you ever notice yourself having a strong emotional or physical response and then get easily drawn into other people dramas ? Someone can say/do something and it may ignite a feeling within you. All of a sudden you've gone from being a calm observer of a situation to getting emotionally involved. In effect, you've been triggered and allowed yourself to get `drawn into the drama’.
If you spend a moment right now to reflect on times in the past when this has happened, do you ever feel `good’ when you come out of the `drama’. Do you ever feel `energised’? and `uplifted’. Is getting caught up in the drama ever of benefit to you?
IF NOT…….would you like to try something different?
NOTICE - You may not always know where your buttons/wounds are but as soon as you have a strong physical or emotional reaction, chances are your buttons have been pushed by someone or something. So if you didn't already know what `pushes your buttons' your bodymind will give you an indicator by gravity of your internal response.
After your button has been pushed, you may find you get drawn into the unfolding drama. So becoming more aware of when you have strong emotions triggered by something external to yourself, is the first step towards getting to know yourself better.
CATCHING THE MOMENT - Once you have been practising with observing your strong reactions for a while, you may find you are able to `catch’ the moments when your buttons are pushed more consciously. Catching the moment enables you to expand your self awareness.
PAUSE - Once you have become aware that you are having a really strong feeling and you are more consciously aware of those moments, the next step would be to press PAUSE once a trigger has been set off. Reacting with gravitas to your triggered emotions/sensations is what gets you drawn into the drama.
It can be such a drain on our resources and leave us feeling exhausted, battered and bruised. Once you feel your button being pressed why not try pressing PAUSE, stepping back from the situation and detaching. Remember to breathe !
GROWTH THROUGH AWARENESS - Once you have developed more aware and you can pause without reacting or getting caught up in a drama, the next challenge is to listen to what’s really going on within yourself. What is the button attached to? – a sense of injustice, a sense of feeling blamed, fear, loss, sense of being criticised – why not become curious about what ignited your response in the first place?
Having your button pushed isn't necessarily pleasant. But knowing where your wounds are affords you an opportunity to heal so if you want to really get to know yourself, why not start with observing your internal responses and pausing your immediate/automatic reactions. Keep hold of your power and don't allow yourself to get drawn into the drama.
Through the experience of childhood, we may unconsciously distance ourselves from our authentic self. Our experiences may not be validated or acceptable to others, so we slowly learn to ignore/disconnect from our true nature because in childhood, our very survival/getting our needs met, depends on being accepted. If being our authentic self is unacceptable, it may result in our parents/primary carer(s) being angry with us, they may punish us with a version of rejection or abandonment. Any of these consequences would mean our needs were not being met for a period of time. We are quick learners .....being acceptable = getting my needs met....being unacceptable = not getting my needs met. Because of our will to survive, we have to separate ourselves from our authentic selves, and on some level we begin to conform.
While it would be unwise to leap out of a plane, into the unknown without a parachute, counselling offers you a psycholocical parachute to enable you to take a leap of faith if you want to. If you felt safe and supported, if you knew you wouldn't be judged or punished and if you knew that what you said was held in complete confidence - would you like to explore and get to know yourself better?
The consequence of taking such a leap of faith means you get to see things from a different angle and you get to explore your experiences in a slightly different way. This exploration can result in finding out something about yourself that you didn't know, had forgotten about or couldn't otherwise see. Being more aware may result in positive changes taking place in your life moving forward.
Carl Roger's believed that every human being strives for and has the capacity within to fulfill their potential. I believe that too.
September 2017
During the process of becoming `acceptable’ and `a good girl/boy/person’ we therefore become conditioned. In having to adopt this stance, we inadvertently neglect our inner wisdom and we begin to disconnect from our true selves and our instincts. We may also believe `others know best’.
The psychological effect of self disconnection can result in us being less able to `hear' our needs. We may have got so caught up in pleasing others in order to avoid punishment that we have forgotten how to be our authentic self. We've lost ourselves along the way.
Roll forward to adulthood, if you notice that you are looking to others for validation, trusting what someone else says over your own gut instinct/inner wisdom, unable to make decisions, feel anxious to try new things, feel scared about being on your own - this may be because you are being held back by the conditioning you were controlled by in childhood.
You may be aware of a conflict with you - one part of you wants to do something, behave in a certain way and yet another part of you cannot allow that to happen because it may be judged or seen as unacceptable/wrong. You may be aware of this internal battle going on and feel stuck.
In counselling, my care of you is not based on such conditions. I contract with you during our first session so we both know what we can expect from the other - ie to arrive on time, that sessions are weekly, that each of us let the other know if they need to cancel a session etc.
The therapeutic relationship is not dependent on you being `a good girl/boy/person' in the same way it might have been in childhood. I accept you as you are and I offer my support as a counsellor freely.
Imagine what it would be like to be who you really are and to not have to worry about what others think of you ! Imagine who you would be then.......
October 2017
I thought it might be of value to share with you a little about what `person centred' means and where it came from. Person-centered therapy was developed by Carl Rogers in the 1940's. This type of therapy is non directive and rather than telling you what they think you need to do/look at, a counsellor will follow your lead and work at your pace.
They wont interpret, diagnose or give meaning to your experiences. Instead they will create a safe space physically, emotionally and psychologically, that will afford you an opportunity to explore. A chance to build in confidence, become more empowered and connect with your authentic self. Counsellors will strive to take you to water.....and only you can decide whether or how much to drink.
Counsellors wont judge you and instead they will offer you support, respect, care and have a genuine desire to understand how things are for you in your world.
When sufficient trust has developed within the therapeutic relationship, you are likely to feel safer to explore more freely. You may decide to share something you have never talked about before, or look at the something that is troubling you.
They wont interpret, diagnose or give meaning to your experiences. Instead they will create a safe space physically, emotionally and psychologically, that will afford you an opportunity to explore. A chance to build in confidence, become more empowered and connect with your authentic self. Counsellors will strive to take you to water.....and only you can decide whether or how much to drink.
Counsellors wont judge you and instead they will offer you support, respect, care and have a genuine desire to understand how things are for you in your world.
When sufficient trust has developed within the therapeutic relationship, you are likely to feel safer to explore more freely. You may decide to share something you have never talked about before, or look at the something that is troubling you.
While it would be unwise to leap out of a plane, into the unknown without a parachute, counselling offers you a psycholocical parachute to enable you to take a leap of faith if you want to. If you felt safe and supported, if you knew you wouldn't be judged or punished and if you knew that what you said was held in complete confidence - would you like to explore and get to know yourself better?
The consequence of taking such a leap of faith means you get to see things from a different angle and you get to explore your experiences in a slightly different way. This exploration can result in finding out something about yourself that you didn't know, had forgotten about or couldn't otherwise see. Being more aware may result in positive changes taking place in your life moving forward.
Carl Roger's believed that every human being strives for and has the capacity within to fulfill their potential. I believe that too.
September 2017
Have you ever noticed how transitory your emotions are? I mean from one day to the next do you ever really
feel exactly the same. Even if you are in a consistent low mood, there are likely to be pockets of time when that feeling changes. When life experiences are upsetting, it can be a seed of thought to water that these experiences wont last forever. The weather isn't consistent and neither are our feelings.
Everything is in the process of change, and yet we can find change so difficult. If you were more able to let go, more able to adapt and detach from a fixed outcome, what effect do you think that would have on you?
Rapid change - leaving a job, changing house, the loss of a loved one, an accident, diagnosis of an illness - can all be traumatic. These events, or indeed any event that challenges our norm, our recognised stability in life, can trigger our insecurities to come to the surface. That can feel very uncomfortable and even scary. What we trusted in, what made us feel safe in the world has suddenly changed and what was once familiar is gone, life has become uncertain and unfamiliar.
At times like this it may be helpful to remind ourselves, it wont always feel like this. We have deep resources within, a resiliance we perhaps never even knew we had until it was tested. In times of turmoil, not only do our insecurities surface, so too can our resiliance. The fire at our core can be ignited and it helps us through. One way of making the experience of feeling unsettled easier may be to become curious. I wonder what you could learn about yourself because of your reaction to the situation?
Can you let go of an unrealistic expectation that everything in life is always going to remain the same? Can you learn to accept that change is an inevitable experience of the journey of life? Can you trust in yourself more that whatever happens, you will and can find a way through? Given the fact that you are reading this is no doubt evidence that somehow you found your way through the last upsetting event you experienced, because you're still here. You got through that time of your life and you will get through the next.
As always, remember to be extremely kind with yourself on your journey. Beating yourself up when you are already down is going to make you feel worse....and why would you purposefully want to do that to yourself ?
August 2017
Everything is in the process of change, and yet we can find change so difficult. If you were more able to let go, more able to adapt and detach from a fixed outcome, what effect do you think that would have on you?
Rapid change - leaving a job, changing house, the loss of a loved one, an accident, diagnosis of an illness - can all be traumatic. These events, or indeed any event that challenges our norm, our recognised stability in life, can trigger our insecurities to come to the surface. That can feel very uncomfortable and even scary. What we trusted in, what made us feel safe in the world has suddenly changed and what was once familiar is gone, life has become uncertain and unfamiliar.
At times like this it may be helpful to remind ourselves, it wont always feel like this. We have deep resources within, a resiliance we perhaps never even knew we had until it was tested. In times of turmoil, not only do our insecurities surface, so too can our resiliance. The fire at our core can be ignited and it helps us through. One way of making the experience of feeling unsettled easier may be to become curious. I wonder what you could learn about yourself because of your reaction to the situation?
Can you let go of an unrealistic expectation that everything in life is always going to remain the same? Can you learn to accept that change is an inevitable experience of the journey of life? Can you trust in yourself more that whatever happens, you will and can find a way through? Given the fact that you are reading this is no doubt evidence that somehow you found your way through the last upsetting event you experienced, because you're still here. You got through that time of your life and you will get through the next.
As always, remember to be extremely kind with yourself on your journey. Beating yourself up when you are already down is going to make you feel worse....and why would you purposefully want to do that to yourself ?
August 2017
At times, you may be so focused on giving to others, your work, your projects etc, that you neglect yourself and your resources slowly deplete. You may find yourself becoming resentful towards others, less motivated to do a good job, exhausted or even get ill.
Think of your resources as a bowl of fruit. If you continually give your fruit (your time and energy) away to others without allowing it to be replenished – what happens? ….eventually the bowl becomes empty.... as do you because you have nothing to nourish yourself with.
The solution may not be to stop giving, as that will have other consequences - perhaps isolation and depression, particularly if we distance ourselves from others.
If you brush off acts of genuine love and kindness, recognise when you are exhausted and carry on regardless, you're inadvertently giving yourself the message of `I’m not worth it’ - which is damaging to your self-worth and self-esteem. By not allowing yourself to receive genuine and healthy acts of love and kindness, you may also be inadvertently taking away your opportunity to replenish your internal resources – the very resources that you need to keep going.
I believe the way forward is to allow yourself to receive genuine and healthy acts of love and kindness AND to recognise when you're feeling depleted, so that you give yourself permission to take a break.
Every time you allow yourself to receive genuine, healthy acts of love and kindness, you’re giving yourself the message of `I’m worth it’. This improves your self–worth , self-esteem and it means you’re replenishing your internal resources.
For today if someone pays you a sincere compliment, why not explore for yourself what happens in your internal dialogue. Do you accept the compliment or do you brush it off ? If you are experiencing issues of low self-worth/esteem, counselling can really support you through.
July 2017
Situations can happen in life from time to time, that really throw us off balance. Our experience of having the rug pulled from under us will depend on our level of attachment to whatever it was that has changed. For example, if we have lost a loved one, we are likely to have an experience of grief that is proportionate to our relationship with that person.
The loss of someone who we did not know personally is unlikely to result in the same experience. So an experience of change is very personal to the individual and can be dependent on their relationship to whatever or whoever has changed. Change can be very painful. We may find ways- consciously or unconsciously - to prevent ourselves from addressing our experience of pain. We may find it too hard or refuse to accept what has happened and default to living in denial. We may turn to drink or drugs to stop ourselves from connecting with our feelings. We may spend more time at work or make ourselves so busy we have no time to think. Whatever we do, we may ultimately be following a path that means we don't have to face thinking, talking about or dealing with the very emotions that we are trying to avoid.
These coping strategies can work very well for years, but at some point, something may happen that triggers all our buried emotions to surface and everything comes crashing down around us. At times like this, not only is this a time to be extremely kind and gentle with yourself, it's also the point when people may choose to explore counselling. It takes a number of years to become a qualified counsellor and when a client enters into therapy, it's unlikely to be because everything in their life is happy and harmonious.
So I understand, it may be difficult to initially talk openly about your feelings. Even picking up the phone or emailing may be challenging and result in a level of anxiety. However counselling can be a way of getting the extra support you need to work through whatever it is that you are experiencing. Facing the initial challenge of making contact can be the first step towards healing.
June 2017
June 2017
Think of your car. You clean it, fill it with fuel that will enable it to run, we replace and repair parts as necessary, we make sure it has enough water so as not to overheat, we ensure it has sufficient oil, brake fluid, tyre pressure etc etc etc. In short, we can put time and effort into our vehicles to ensure that they get us from A to B. And yet when it comes to our spiritual, physical, mental and emotion health........do we consciously take the best care of ourselves? Here are a few things that you can do to improve your mental wellbeing right now .....
Exercise - exercise is proven to lower levels of anxiety and depression as well improving fitness levels. 30 minutes of exercise five times a week can make a real difference.
Do something creative - this can improve your self esteem and mood.
Learn a new skill - this can enable you to develop more confidence and help you to meet new like minded people.
Eat healthily - healthy food choices can make a big difference to your mood. Maintaining a healthy weight can improve your self image and enhance your overall wellbeing.
Spend time with friends and family - this can improve your sense of connection and enable you to realise you are not alone. Family in particular can also push our buttons, so its important to find the balance that works best for you.
Take a break - sometimes a few days away can feel like a 2 week holiday. We all need some respite so don't leave it too long before you give yourself some well deserved time out.
Volunteer - volunteering is a great way to meet new people and support others in the process. It can afford you a real sense of achievement and improve your self esteem because you are doing something of value. Some employees even allow you paid time off one day a year !
Talk about your feelings - talking about and expressing your feeling can be an invaluable way of processing your experiences in order to get them out and work them through.
May 2017
Exercise - exercise is proven to lower levels of anxiety and depression as well improving fitness levels. 30 minutes of exercise five times a week can make a real difference.
Do something creative - this can improve your self esteem and mood.
Learn a new skill - this can enable you to develop more confidence and help you to meet new like minded people.
Eat healthily - healthy food choices can make a big difference to your mood. Maintaining a healthy weight can improve your self image and enhance your overall wellbeing.
Spend time with friends and family - this can improve your sense of connection and enable you to realise you are not alone. Family in particular can also push our buttons, so its important to find the balance that works best for you.
Take a break - sometimes a few days away can feel like a 2 week holiday. We all need some respite so don't leave it too long before you give yourself some well deserved time out.
Volunteer - volunteering is a great way to meet new people and support others in the process. It can afford you a real sense of achievement and improve your self esteem because you are doing something of value. Some employees even allow you paid time off one day a year !
Talk about your feelings - talking about and expressing your feeling can be an invaluable way of processing your experiences in order to get them out and work them through.
May 2017
Have you ever noticed that at times you have a really strong emotional reaction to a scenario and at the time or on reflection you realise it seemed disproportionate?
If that’s the case, it’s likely that while your button has been pushed in the present, it’s also possible the situation has triggered a wound from the past.
For example, you can have an experience in the present that makes you feel sad and then wounds from the past related to sadness get stirred up and they `jump on the band waggon’. Then you experience an emotional reaction based on the present AND the past.
Learning to recognise when you are having a strong emotional reaction is the first step to identifying when the past is present. It also enables you to identify where your emotional wounds are.
April 2017
If that’s the case, it’s likely that while your button has been pushed in the present, it’s also possible the situation has triggered a wound from the past.
For example, you can have an experience in the present that makes you feel sad and then wounds from the past related to sadness get stirred up and they `jump on the band waggon’. Then you experience an emotional reaction based on the present AND the past.
Learning to recognise when you are having a strong emotional reaction is the first step to identifying when the past is present. It also enables you to identify where your emotional wounds are.
April 2017
Do you ever hear yourself asking questions like `What am I here for?’ or `What’s the point?’
If you do, perhaps you are spending time searching for the answers. You may feel as if you are stuck in a cycle of endless wandering and feeling dissapointed that you can't find what you are looking for. Perhaps you try to find the answers in relationships, in external possessions, in forms of addition etc.
Maybe it's time to reconsider the questions you may be posing to yourself?
Instead of asking yourself `What am I here for?' or `What's the point?' you may like to consider focussing on what you're passionate about, what you find rewarding, what brings you the most joy, what makes you feel happy, alive and purposeful.
For today, maybe you would like to consider these questions for a change......
What makes me feel happy?
What makes me feel purposeful?
What do I feel passionate about?
Perhaps by exploring what makes life feel purposeful to you, you will end up leading a life of purpose. Perhaps if you follow what you are passionate about and what has meaning to you, you will no longer need to search for your purpose in life…..your life purpose will find you.
March 2017
If you do, perhaps you are spending time searching for the answers. You may feel as if you are stuck in a cycle of endless wandering and feeling dissapointed that you can't find what you are looking for. Perhaps you try to find the answers in relationships, in external possessions, in forms of addition etc.
Maybe it's time to reconsider the questions you may be posing to yourself?
Instead of asking yourself `What am I here for?' or `What's the point?' you may like to consider focussing on what you're passionate about, what you find rewarding, what brings you the most joy, what makes you feel happy, alive and purposeful.
For today, maybe you would like to consider these questions for a change......
What makes me feel happy?
What makes me feel purposeful?
What do I feel passionate about?
Perhaps by exploring what makes life feel purposeful to you, you will end up leading a life of purpose. Perhaps if you follow what you are passionate about and what has meaning to you, you will no longer need to search for your purpose in life…..your life purpose will find you.
March 2017
Have you ever noticed that your body is so connected with your mind that they are inseparable. I think of it as a bodymind connection rather than a body and mind connection.
Your bodymind is an incredibly valuable resource. Through feelings, we are made aware of so much, especially when something doesn’t feel `right’ for us. And yet…..despite our bodymind giving us these useful indicators, we can ignore that inner voice and override it. As if to say, thank you for giving me that warning, now I’m going to totally ignore you and carry on regardless.
As a consequence, we may end up getting hurt. We may even reflect on our experience and be angry with ourselves for not trusting our instincts. We may be hard on ourselves and punish ourselves with negative self talk and beat ourselves up when we are already hurting. So what started with us not trusting our instincts, can end up with even more hurt.
When we listen to our inner wisdom and allow it to be our guide, we open up to trusting ourselves at a very deep level. We learn to value and respect our inner wisdom to keep us safe and out of harms way. We may even feel proud of ourselves for taking better care of ourselves.
And if we get it wrong, we can be kinder with ourselves for our mistakes because we understand the lesson was part of the journey and it doesn’t help us to kick ourselves when we are already down.
If you have had an experience that resulted in you being unable to trust yourself, why not explore that in a counselling setting. Talking really can help uncover why that happened. With that awareness, we can take better care of ourselves next time we hear our gut instinct speak.
February 2017
Your bodymind is an incredibly valuable resource. Through feelings, we are made aware of so much, especially when something doesn’t feel `right’ for us. And yet…..despite our bodymind giving us these useful indicators, we can ignore that inner voice and override it. As if to say, thank you for giving me that warning, now I’m going to totally ignore you and carry on regardless.
As a consequence, we may end up getting hurt. We may even reflect on our experience and be angry with ourselves for not trusting our instincts. We may be hard on ourselves and punish ourselves with negative self talk and beat ourselves up when we are already hurting. So what started with us not trusting our instincts, can end up with even more hurt.
When we listen to our inner wisdom and allow it to be our guide, we open up to trusting ourselves at a very deep level. We learn to value and respect our inner wisdom to keep us safe and out of harms way. We may even feel proud of ourselves for taking better care of ourselves.
And if we get it wrong, we can be kinder with ourselves for our mistakes because we understand the lesson was part of the journey and it doesn’t help us to kick ourselves when we are already down.
If you have had an experience that resulted in you being unable to trust yourself, why not explore that in a counselling setting. Talking really can help uncover why that happened. With that awareness, we can take better care of ourselves next time we hear our gut instinct speak.
February 2017
With all that is currently happening on our planet, perhaps we can reflect on how we can contribute to peace. Have you ever noticed how you can pass your emotions onto others by what you say, how you say it or by how you are feeling?
Perhaps you have inadvertently taken your anger or frustration out on someone else….feeling guilty is our indicator that we’ve done something that is in conflict with our internal moral and ethical code.
So for us, great, we’ve got our emotions out by taking them out on someone else, but what about the other person who we have given our `hot potato’ of emotions to? ..not so great.
We’ve given them the very emotions we were struggling with and unless they can process them, they may end up inadvertently passing on that `hot potato’ of emotions to someone else, and so it goes on……. and perhaps we end up feeling bag about ourselves in the process.
Why not use your emotions to your advantage?
Being aware and recognising our emotions as they surface is incredibly valuable. If you can contain your emotions, especially the ones you find really challenging to sit with, you can learn a great deal about yourself. And by working through your own inner conflicts, you not only become more empowered and self-responsible, you also save yourself from having the same lesson over and over again. So if you want to support peace and work towards resolving external conflicts, you can start with working through your own.
January 2017
Perhaps you have inadvertently taken your anger or frustration out on someone else….feeling guilty is our indicator that we’ve done something that is in conflict with our internal moral and ethical code.
So for us, great, we’ve got our emotions out by taking them out on someone else, but what about the other person who we have given our `hot potato’ of emotions to? ..not so great.
We’ve given them the very emotions we were struggling with and unless they can process them, they may end up inadvertently passing on that `hot potato’ of emotions to someone else, and so it goes on……. and perhaps we end up feeling bag about ourselves in the process.
Why not use your emotions to your advantage?
Being aware and recognising our emotions as they surface is incredibly valuable. If you can contain your emotions, especially the ones you find really challenging to sit with, you can learn a great deal about yourself. And by working through your own inner conflicts, you not only become more empowered and self-responsible, you also save yourself from having the same lesson over and over again. So if you want to support peace and work towards resolving external conflicts, you can start with working through your own.
January 2017
All too often we can find ourselves rushing around, keeping ourselves occupied and busy. In doing so however, we can get so absorbed in the `doing’, we forget about the `being’….the human `being’ that is ourselves.
Keeping ourselves so busy can also be a defence mechanism that we unconsciously deploy to stop ourselves from thinking…we in effect don’t want to hear the voice of wisdom that is telling us to take action.
There can be consequence of not paying attention to ourselves and that can have a detrimental affect on our sense of happiness and wellness. When can be so busy keeping busy, we may end up neglecting ourselves and it's not until we slow down that we realise how exhausted we have become. We may also acknowledge the inner work we were trying to avoid, is still there waiting for us.
Are you spending alot of your time and energy making yourself busy because you don't want to think about something that is a repeating thought in your mind? Then why not give us a call and we will support you to work it through. We offer a safe and confidential space to explore what is going on for you.
Therapeutic support could really help you process whatever it is so that you no longer have to spend that time and energy trying to ignore it. Why not pay attention to how much you work, rest and play...do the different areas seem in the right proportion for you or does something need redressing? Would you like some support through any changes you would like to make in your work life balance?
December 2016
Keeping ourselves so busy can also be a defence mechanism that we unconsciously deploy to stop ourselves from thinking…we in effect don’t want to hear the voice of wisdom that is telling us to take action.
There can be consequence of not paying attention to ourselves and that can have a detrimental affect on our sense of happiness and wellness. When can be so busy keeping busy, we may end up neglecting ourselves and it's not until we slow down that we realise how exhausted we have become. We may also acknowledge the inner work we were trying to avoid, is still there waiting for us.
Are you spending alot of your time and energy making yourself busy because you don't want to think about something that is a repeating thought in your mind? Then why not give us a call and we will support you to work it through. We offer a safe and confidential space to explore what is going on for you.
Therapeutic support could really help you process whatever it is so that you no longer have to spend that time and energy trying to ignore it. Why not pay attention to how much you work, rest and play...do the different areas seem in the right proportion for you or does something need redressing? Would you like some support through any changes you would like to make in your work life balance?
December 2016
Today's blog is focussing on trauma. Psychological trauma is the result of a severely distressing event. Where we have become overwhelmed and subsequently, we are unable to cope and integrate the emotions involved with the experience. All traumatic events are sudden, unexpected and out of our control. A traumatic event could be the death of a loved one, redundancy, separation/divorce, moving home, serious illness, being attacked, witnessing a car accident etc.
A traumatic event could happen to any of us at any time. It can result in us feeling out of control or even helpless. Unlike the initial event, how we interpret and deal with it is very much within our control. How we interpret our emotions and depending on the support we receive after the event, is an important factor in our healing process.
In terms of how we deal with our emotions...let's think of it like this for a moment .....we may have things to do like the ironing, washing, cleaning, mowing the lawn etc etc. And instead of doing them, we keep putting them off and trying to ignore them. And at some point we're going to run out of clean clothes, we're going to need a clean plate and at some point the grass is going to get too long to manage.
It's the same with processing our emotions. We may consciously or unconsciously put dealing with our emotions off. We may spend a significant amount of time and energy `keeping a lid on things' and supressing our feelings or even keeping ourselves so busy that we don't give ourselves time to think. This can build up and eventually become exhausting, we may even become ill as a result of this build up.
And at some point in our lives, our usual coping strategies may slowly stop working as effectively. All those buried emotions may gradually come to the surface and instead of ignoring them, we may find, we're going to have to deal with them in order to move forward with our lives. So however much we put things off....at some point we're going to have to do some inner work to enable us to move forward.
Perhaps you've become aware that you feel unusually anxious, or something feels out of balance for you. Maybe something is really playing on your mind or uncomfortable feelings are coming to the surface that you don't understand or can't explain. Perhaps you have experienced a recent event that has triggered your emotions and you feel confused or overwhelmed. At times like this......talking with a professional counsellor can really help.
November 2016
A traumatic event could happen to any of us at any time. It can result in us feeling out of control or even helpless. Unlike the initial event, how we interpret and deal with it is very much within our control. How we interpret our emotions and depending on the support we receive after the event, is an important factor in our healing process.
In terms of how we deal with our emotions...let's think of it like this for a moment .....we may have things to do like the ironing, washing, cleaning, mowing the lawn etc etc. And instead of doing them, we keep putting them off and trying to ignore them. And at some point we're going to run out of clean clothes, we're going to need a clean plate and at some point the grass is going to get too long to manage.
It's the same with processing our emotions. We may consciously or unconsciously put dealing with our emotions off. We may spend a significant amount of time and energy `keeping a lid on things' and supressing our feelings or even keeping ourselves so busy that we don't give ourselves time to think. This can build up and eventually become exhausting, we may even become ill as a result of this build up.
And at some point in our lives, our usual coping strategies may slowly stop working as effectively. All those buried emotions may gradually come to the surface and instead of ignoring them, we may find, we're going to have to deal with them in order to move forward with our lives. So however much we put things off....at some point we're going to have to do some inner work to enable us to move forward.
Perhaps you've become aware that you feel unusually anxious, or something feels out of balance for you. Maybe something is really playing on your mind or uncomfortable feelings are coming to the surface that you don't understand or can't explain. Perhaps you have experienced a recent event that has triggered your emotions and you feel confused or overwhelmed. At times like this......talking with a professional counsellor can really help.
November 2016
Sometimes in life we can feel unsupported in the way we want to move forward in life. We may feel held back because of a lack of support and we may feel unable to move forward in life because we are afraid to take the necessary leap of faith. We may be afraid of change, or of failure, of letting go of a relationship that no longer works for us, a job or a way of being that doesn't quite fit with who we are now. You may be aware of wanting to move forward and yet at the same time feel unable to. This is where we can end up feeling stuck, as if stood in glue, unable to move and as a result, perhaps feeling resentful and unhappy. Change can be challenging at the best of times, so if you want to move forward but a lack of support is holding you back, why not explore counselling. With the right support, just imaging what you could do.
October 2016
October 2016
The Oxford Dictionary describes shame as "a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behaviour". Shame can make us feel `bad', `unworthy', `unloveable' and even `inadequate' ...as if suggesting we are not good enough. We may experience shame because of an event that happened in the past, that is still with us in the back of our minds. Our future experiences of life may become limited, we may feel stuck, we may feel frustrated or angry with how life is. We may experience shame by not following a set of `rules' or conditions placed upon us by others or even placed upon us by ourselves.
It can be challenging to break away from the expectations of others and to talk about experiences that have lead us to feel ashamed. However, counselling offers a safe and confidential space where, if you want to, you can explore these feelings. Having your voice and your experiences heard, perhaps for the very first time, can make a huge difference to your wellbeing. Over time, shame can be worked through and released.
It can be challenging to break away from the expectations of others and to talk about experiences that have lead us to feel ashamed. However, counselling offers a safe and confidential space where, if you want to, you can explore these feelings. Having your voice and your experiences heard, perhaps for the very first time, can make a huge difference to your wellbeing. Over time, shame can be worked through and released.
